When “Fine” Is a Quiet Lie We’ve Normalized
Listening to the subtle signals we were trained to override
I was recently spending time in Crete, Greece and felt called to share these 2 simple routine experiences that carried a deeper lesson — one I have a hunch may resonate with you.
One day, I went to swap out a rental car. As usual, I got into the car and began adjusting the seat for optimal position, then the mirrors for visibility and safety.
Interestingly, this car had manual knobs to adjust the side mirrors. As I fiddled with the driver’s side mirror, I noticed that no matter what I did, I couldn’t adjust it to the level I knew I needed — it remained angled too far downward toward the ground.
I kept playing with it, trying to see if there was some way to get it right.
I tried to talk myself out of getting help at first.
I even tried to drive the car off the lot.
But my inner knowing just wouldn’t let me.
So I got out of the car and asked the rental agent if he could help me with the mirror. Of course, he got in, played around with it, and tried to talk me out of there being any issue.
He did offer that he could give me a different car, and I immediately jumped at that.
But even after he pulled up another vehicle, he still tried to make adjustments himself in this first one. He even had me get into the driver’s seat again while he sat in the back seat, trying to justify that this first car was just fine.
I could feel the contraction in my body and knew I needed to follow my inner knowing.
Other things I noticed about this first car (side notes — not deal breakers):
it had over 80,000 miles driven already, and
the gas tank was half full.
The driver side mirror not being able to be adjusted optimally — even though the rental agent and my logic tried to argue it was “fine” and drivable — created a hesitancy in my body.
A bit of stubbornness.
I just couldn’t move forward with it.
Since he had offered a different vehicle, I redirected us back to that option.
When I sat in the second car and adjusted the mirrors, it was an immediate yes.
Easy.
No struggle.
This second car had just under 7,000 miles driven and the gas tank was three-quarters full.
I immediately said yes.
And I could tell he wasn’t happy.
His frustration was obvious. He needed to make several phone calls and redo the paperwork. Even though I expressed my gratitude, it was clear that my choice created inconvenience for him.
Yet, I was the only customer. There were no other customers waiting.
And here is the lesson: my responsibility is not his convenience nor happiness. My responsibility is my safety.
My inner knowing guided me through the hesitancy in my body
— even when I tried to justify the situation logically, and
even when someone else tried to convince me otherwise.
That contraction was my inner knowing speaking. And it stood in stark contrast to the immediate yes I felt in the second car — another signal from my inner knowing.
This is a very real — simple and significant — example of how our inner knowing continuously guides us towards the most optimal situations and circumstances.
Again, my primary responsibility is not to make someone else comfortable or happy. We truly have no control over someone else’s inner state, mood, and thoughts.
My sole responsibility (and what is in my control) is to follow my inner knowing, honor my safety, and my inner authority.
As I was reflecting on this while driving into town for the weekend farmer’s market, another inner knowing example appeared — a lighter and delightful one.
Parking is routinely limited on Saturdays during the farmer’s market. I had already circled the neighboring blocks once. On the second round, nothing obvious appeared. But I kept affirming to myself, trusting my inner knowing to guide me.
I was at a dead end street and turned into an unmarked lot where I thought I would make a U-turn.
As I reversed the car and looked in the rear view camera, surprisingly, there was just the perfect space I could easily back right into! 😅
This is another way inner knowing can show up:
subtle, surprising, supportive, even delightful.
These moments are happening all day long
— in micro-decisions where we either follow subtle bodily signals or override them with logic, social expectations, or the desire to keep others’ comfortable.
These subtle signals often persist when we don’t listen.
And this is the part that often gets missed:
Meditation, breathwork, psychedelics, somatic therapy, and even many personal development or spiritual retreats do not, on their own, address this capacity.
When you were not raised — or rewarded — for following your inner knowing, reconnecting with it is not about doing more practices.
It is about learning how to tune into subtleties that were once ignored, overridden, or deprioritized for belonging, love, performance, or safety.
Inner knowing does not usually signal loudly.
It shows up as micro-contractions, slight hesitations, soft yeses, or persistent unease.
And if you were trained to override those signals early in life, you won’t automatically trust them
— even if you are deeply intuitive, intelligent, and self-aware.
This is where my experience as a brain surgeon fundamentally shaped my work.
Neurosurgery trained me to detect micro-differences — subtle changes that carry enormous consequence.
This same precision is what allowed me to strengthen the reconnection to my own inner knowing and now help guide my clients to reconnect with their inner knowing in a way that is grounded, effective, and efficient.
Now, I invite you to ponder:
What would change if you created more spaciousness around your decisions — instead of pushing through subtle hesitation?
Where did something feel “fine” but not aligned?
What might become available if you trusted the quieter signals your body is already offering you?
Where might following your inner knowing require courage — not force, but quiet, steadfast conviction?
I’d love to hear your answers in the comments, if it feels aligned 💖.